Cell Phone Idiots
December 2004
I just returned from a trip back East, with one of the stops being New York City. A Broadway performance is one of my favorite things in the world, so I was thrilled to be in fabulous orchestra seating as the lights went down for Fiddler On The Roof. As the crowd hushed, a resonant recorded male voice welcomed us, gave basic information about the show, and then asked us all to turn our cell phones off. Those who hadn’t already murmured and rustled, and did so. “Interesting,” I thought to myself, torn between admiration of this efficiency and directness, and my horror that anyone alive still hasn’t figured out that cell phones need to be turned off at places such as Broadway shows. Surely we can all agree that during a live performance is not the time to take a call.
The house lights dimmed, and the play began. About 20 minutes into the show, the purse of a woman directly behind us began ringing. I could not believe it. Of course subsequently, that entire party also discussed the play as it was going on, during the entire performance, despite repeated shush-ings, entreaties, and progressively more irritated interjections from fellow playgoers seated around them. My point here is that rude people will be rude anywhere, and with any tool technology provides us, but the rest of us can use this as a reminder to ourselves to not shred the last remaining fabric of politeness in modern society.
I have long hated cell phones, and the manner in which they seem to cast a spell over their users that makes them forget all the rules of said public politeness. Recently, I was forced by circumstance to break down and get one. No one could be more reluctant than I to confess how handy the blasted thing is. Now that I have one, I’ve also learned a few things from the other side of the fence, as is natural. Annoying, but natural.
Whenever we humans fear we aren’t being understood, we have a tendency to raise our voices. When you are using a cell phone, hearing what the other person is saying is frequently difficult, to one degree or another. So we raise our voices. (Remember Aunt Tillie. As her hearing deteriorates, her volume usually rises.) In addition, over 90% of what we communicate to others is non-verbal. Another reason to raise our voice. Add all of this to varying amounts of background noise, and line static, and you’re hollering. Ms. Maven used to spend a lot of time staring disdainfully or ahem-ing people who showed such disregard for others.
On the same vacation, I needed to take care of a few work details before relaxing into my time off. We were in the center courtyard of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream plant in upstate Vermont when I saw my husband gesticulating wildly at me. “WHAT,” I responded, annoyed that he was interrupting me. In response, he motioned around us. As my eyes followed his hand, I realized to my total mortification that I, Self-Appointed Keeper And Enforcer Of All Rules For Cell Phone Use, had been yelling my entire conversation to a group of tourists who really probably hadn’t come across the country to hear me talk about, well, anything. I slunk off and finished my call.
To my surprise, most of the folks I saw on the East coast were much more polite in cell phone use. We tend to think of Easterners as more brusque, fast-paced, and sometimes downright rude. Particularly in New York City. However, I experienced much the opposite. I’m not quite sure why, but cell phone use (idiots and the congenitally rude aside) was, for the most part, discreet and quiet.
Perhaps it’s so many cell phone towers in close proximity, though surely not everyone I saw in New York and Boston could have been talking only to locals. Rings and conversations were generally more discreet, and frequently, you wouldn’t even notice someone was on a phone. (It probably helps that cell phones don’t work at all in the subways.)
Or perhaps it’s because when you live in that close a proximity to that many people, you have to learn to respect their space as well as defend your own. New Yorkers are forced to be much more conscious of their proximity to each other. They are squashed together in the subway; they are squashed together on the freeways and parkways, most everywhere they go. However, here in the West, where we enjoy more room overall, we can take it for granted. We begin to see our personal space as a Cone Of Selfishness Within Which I Can Do Whatever The Heck I Like, And To Blazes With You. We talk on our cell phones as though everyone in a thirty-foot diameter is dying to know how that gastric problem worked out. They aren’t. Especially in a restaurant.
So stop and think before you use your cell in public. Modulate your voice level. Step outside the restaurant. Don’t take calls while you’re in the middle of a group of people and then shush them so you can carry on your conversation.
Don’t forget that your cell phone has an off button. Radical notion - you don’t have to be available to everyone every single minute of the day. Very few of us are that important, at least all of the time. In years past, frequently people were able to cope waiting up to an hour, or even two, without talking to one another!
”But I have kids,” you say, Or an urgent situaition at hand. Fine. Then use the phone to be able to deal with it. But set your ring mode to pulse, instead of booming the first five seconds of The William Tell Overture. You can even turn the phone off when you’re not in emergency mode! After all, there’s room in the world for a little silence and just talking to the people we’re with.
I also swore I would not be one of the idiots who used their phone while driving. Bad enough that I used to be one of the ones who would apply my makeup in the car on the way to work. While driving. So I’m not immune to that kind of thinking -- but I’m older and (hopefully) wiser now, and I’ve sworn to myself I wouldn’t go back to thinking that doing things with one -- or both -- of my hands while driving is really okay to do. So now I ask myself, “Is this call worth dying for?” If not, I pull off the road. Or I turn the phone off during my car time. When you really think about it, only a fool would risk talking on the phone while piloting a multi-ton projectile made of metal and many sharp parts. I’m guessing it’s not the President or the Pope calling, so it can probably wait. Remember, the phone is there for your convenience, not as an embarassing way to leave your children orphans. Perhaps that call about what to get at the grocery store can be made from the grocery store lot -- after the car is parked. (And before you go in, of course! )
I was at a funeral a couple of years ago, for the mother of a close friend. The ceremony was just as the daughters had planned it until – you guessed it – a cell phone rang. There was a moment of quiet horror. A few of us, Ms. Maven included, turned to administer admonishing looks. The woman looked shamefaced and answered the phone (!) mumbled something, and hung up. Amazed that she hadn’t stepped out to answer, or just turned it off mid-ring, I turned back around. The minister resumed the service. A few moments later, her phone rang again.
There was another, longer, moment of shocked disbelief. About half the room collectively and silently agreed to ignore it, and commenced with the ceremony. The other half turned back to glare the woman. I’m actually surprised our joined glares didn’t set her on fire. The woman answered her phone again and mumbled again, hanging up. Now at this point, I confess I became somewhat distracted from the funeral proceedings. I was furious for my friend, and couldn’t believe the disrespect to the deceased, who presumably the offender was here to honor. I was also trying to think if there was anything I could do. When someone’s behavior is so blatantly egregious, there is really no good way address it. Plus, what could I, or anyone, actually do? Interrupt the ceremony further to go over and ask her to leave? So we all gave her a good glare-fest and called it good.
There I sat, trying to resolve those thoughts, trying to calm myself and remember why we were there, and to focus on my friend who was grieving. Another musical number, chosen by the daughters in honor of the strong musical background in their home, began to play. And that woman’s phone rang again – for the third time. I am not making this up.
So don’t be that woman. Use your cell phone wisely, politely and well, to increase your efficiency, not just to increase the hectic pace of your day. Leave a little time to smell the roses (or drive the car) without the phone ringing.
Ramona Abbott helps businesses maximize their efficiency, effectiveness and group dynamics. She utilizes proven techniques that are fun and affordable to help you improve your workplace in a variety of ways. She welcomes inquiries at 360-398-2606 or ramona@EssentiallyProfessional.com
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